Fermilab Today April Fools' Day 2010

Thursday, April 1
National Benefits Department Day
In honor of National Benefits Department Day, Fermilab's Benefits Department will offer free donuts and coffee all day on WH 15 West. Stop by to enter a drawing for a free vacation day.
1-5 p.m.
Executive Summary Meeting on Effective Time Management - Curia II
Speaker: Slo Talker, Microsoft Power Point Institute
3:30 p.m.
4 p.m.
Theoretical Physics Seminar (NOTE TIME) - One West
Speaker: R. Suave
Title: Quixotic studies and social mixing violation
8 p.m.

Friday, April 2
2:30 p.m.
Final 2009 Extreme Beam Lecture - One West
Speaker: Justa Bitlate
Title: Extreme Makeover AD Edition
3:30 p.m
DIRECTOR'S PIG ROAST - 2nd Floor X-over

Click here for NALCAL,
a weekly calendar with links to additional information.


WeatherChance of graupel 30°/82°

Lengthy but optimistic projections well into the mid-2020s


Current Security Status

Secon Level 3

Wilson Hall Cafe

Wednesday, April 1
- Goose liver pate
- Super goose burrito
- Smart cuisine: Grilled goose wings
- *Goose on a stick
- Assorted sliced goose meat pizza
- Crispy fried goose ranch salad

*Carb restricted alternative

Wilson Hall Cafe Menu

Chez Leon

Wednesday, April 1
- Grilled breast of goose with artisan grasses
- Crispy asian beetle couscous
- Chocolate-covered ants

Thursday, April 2
- Coyote burgers
- Tres petit frog legs

Chez Leon Menu
Call x4598 to make your reservation.


Fermilab Today
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Safety Tip of the Week
ILC NewsLine


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Computing Division passes 24-hour mark with no outage

Where there’s smoke….On a day with no IT mishaps, Computing Division staff took a break from solving system failures to burn Service Desk tickets.

Chief Information Officer Vicky White announced yesterday that the Fermilab Computing Division had completed an entire day with no major power outages, server failures, breaker trips or other labwide malfunctions in IT services.

“This is an extraordinary achievement for the whole division,” White said. “It took incredible teamwork and dedication, and I am very proud of all of the people whose individual efforts made it possible for us to achieve this milestone.”

Fermilab Director Pier Oddone added his congratulations. “Twenty-four consecutive hours without a labwide IT problem is truly a breakthrough,” Oddone said. “I congratulate the Computing Division on this stunning success.”

With no emergencies to handle, CD personnel turned to the backlog of Service Desk tickets.

“We burned them,” said Service Desk Manager Eileen Berman. “It’s the quickest and most efficient way to deal with service requests in a timely manner. Many of the tickets that come in are essentially duplicates, and this way we can address all of them at once.”

Photo of the Day

Car wash benefits DUSEL project

Fermilab physicists held a car wash Wednesday, March 25, to raise money for the proposed Deep Underground Science and Engineering Laboratory in South Dakota. Jim Strait, head of the Long Baseline Neutrino Experiment, which would send beams of neutrinos from Fermilab to the underground lab, said the project is key to the laboratory's future but will require substantial resources to construct. Strait praised the enthusiasm of car wash leaders Kevin McFarland and Mike Lindgren, pictured above. The LBNE group plans a bake sale and raffle later this year.
In the News

High energy collisions reveal a paleoparticle

From CERN, April 1, 2010

Physicists working on the LHC results have announced their first discovery: a hideous particle from the prehistory of the Universe

The news is historic, or rather "prehistoric" to be more precise! It has taken two physicists studying the collisions at 7 TeV in the centre of mass on 30 March only two days to make an astonishing discovery. From their precise analysis of four events, Alain Grand and Ricarda Owen have found evidence of a new, massive neutral particle thought to have existed in the very early Universe.

"It's awful", explains Alain Grand, still shocked by the discovery. "It left horrible tracks inside the detector that made the physicists on duty at the time feel quite sick". No wonder. The particle consists of two strange quarks and one top quark but no beauty or charm quark. The physicists have nicknamed it the "neutrinosaurus" because of its repulsive appearance and prehistoric origins.

Hints of the new particle had already been glimpsed in two events at Fermilab but the statistics were too low to be published. The four events observed at the LHC generated an exponential increase (22=4) in the statistics, allowing the physicists to announce the discovery unequivocally. The discovery of the particle, which had hitherto been postulated only by an impassioned physicist doing a bit of theory in his spare time, has the potential to turn current theory on its head and to send the entire theory community back to the drawing board.

"One important consequence is that all the particles we know today must have had a prehistoric twin", says Ricarda Owen.

There will have been a protonosaurus ancestor for the proton (not to be confused with the many-protoned brontosaurus), the electron will have descended from the electronosaurus, and so on. It remains to be seen whether these paleoparticles had antimatter doubles, such as antineutrinosauruses and other antiparticulosauruses.

"That's what we're going to be concentrating our efforts on finding now", says Alain Grand. "If they existed, we expect them to be the exact opposite of the paleoparticles we've found so far, in other words extremely elegant".

Whatever happens, the discovery has opened up paleoparticle physics as a unique and exciting new field of research!

View original

Recovery Act Feature

ARRA funds new construction for increased traffic safety

Wilson Hall's new stocks will promote traffic safety.

Funds for infrastructure improvement from American Recovery and Reinvestment Act will help support enhanced traffic safety at Fermilab—and put local contractors to work at the same time.

Fermilab officials announced that they have awarded the contract for construction of a set of stocks to be built outside Wilson Hall’s front entrance. Employees or users who receive three citations for traffic safety violations within a six-month period, or three parking violation notices in three months, will spend up to several hours in the stocks. The use of cell phones, including hands-free devices, while driving will also result in time in the new device, explained ES&H Head Nancy Grossman.

“Traffic accidents are the number one safety hazard at Fermilab,” Grossman said. “We want people to be safe at the laboratory, and we feel that the stocks will act as a major deterrent to traffic scofflaws. Studies have shown that the use of cell phones while driving is a leading cause of vehicle accidents.”

Laboratory officials considered various alternatives before settling on the stocks option. They rejected an initial proposal to use boiling oil amid concerns about U.S. dependence on foreign oil and increasing awareness of the effect of carbon emissions on climate change.

“In the end, even though it cost slightly more, we went with an environmentally friendly solution,” said Chief Operating Officer Bruce Chrisman.

The stocks construction project, awarded to Ethelred and Sons, a local company specializing in stocks, thumbscrews and gallows work, is estimated to take about six weeks and create 4.7 new jobs. The stocks will hold up to four offenders at one time, with the possibility for a future upgrade to five.

ES&H Head Grossman said she fully expects that employees will follow the new traffic safety edicts and hopes the laboratory will never have to use the stocks.

“But it’s really not my call. I don’t make the rules,” Grossman said as she stood surveying Road D with a pair of binoculars. “But if we do have to put anyone in there, I have to admit it will be hilarious. I mean seriously funny. Not that I want to do it. Because I don’t.”

Special Announcement

Fermilab cafeteria adds goose to menu, thrills localvores

In an effort to save money and reduce the number of nuisance birds on site, the cafeteria staff has begun culling the goose population. The Fermilab cafeteria will also begin using local vegetation in its menu as an effort to serve only locally produced food. Carn Ivore, cafeteria manager, said eating items produced and captured on Fermilab lands will reduce shipping and preservation costs, plus increase the freshness of cafeteria cuisine.

Accelerator Update

March 30 - April 1
- Two stores provided ~ 15 minutes of clarity
- Linac repairs broken hearts
- LCW leak traced to water fountain
- NuMI kicker disciplined

Read the Current Accelerator Update
Read the Early Bird Report
View the Tevatron Luminosity Charts


Latest Announcements

How to Fulfill Your Training training - April 2

Preliminary planning meeting for Quality Assurance broomball team - April 17

Celebrate men's mustache history month in May

Calling all water polo players - Swan Lake club forming now

Writing Workshop: Capitalization - How Using It Makes Your Ideas More Important

Emoticons and exclamation points!!!!! - How to show your excitement!!!!!!!!

Conflict resolution mixed martial arts class - May 7

Techno barn dance, glowsticks required - May 2

Volunteers needed to heckle traffic safety violators

Join the Committee for Responsible Acronym Formation and Treatment (CRAFT)

Get your group portraits taken before the world's largest camera heads to Chile

Toastmasters' meeting April 9 - bring your own bread

Chai Tea for health - May 4

Fermi National Accelerator - Office of Science / U.S. Department of Energy | Managed by Fermi Research Alliance, LLC.