Fermilab Today April Fool's Day 2009

Wednesday, April 1
National Quality Assurance Appreciation Day
In honor of National Quality Assurance Appreciation Day, Fermilab's QA Office will offer free donuts and coffee all day on WH 2 West. The first 25 people to stop by will receive a free flash drive.
2:30 p.m.
Particle Astrophysics Seminar - Curia II
Speaker: Craig Hogan, Head, Fermilab Particle Astrophysics Center
JDEM: A New Paradigm in Interagency Collaboration
3:30 p.m.
4 p.m.
All Experimenter's meeting
Speaker: M. Stumped
Title: The Higgs: We'll find it when we stop looking
8 p.m.

Thursday, April 2
2:30 p.m.
Theoretical Physics Seminar - Curia II
Speaker: Deepe Thought
Title: How to use particle physics theories of magnetism in relationships
3:30 p.m
DIRECTOR'S Drum Circle - 2nd Floor X-over

Click here for NALCAL,
a weekly calendar with links to additional information.


WeatherChance of thundersnow 4°/-15°

Lengthy but optimistic projections well into the mid-2020s


Current Security Status

Secon Level 3

Wilson Hall Cafe
Wednesday, April 1
- Cheesy covered fruit
- Lemon pepper SPAM
- Smart cuisine: Grilled pigs feet
- Assorted pizza pockets
- Siberian root vegetable salad

Wilson Hall Cafe Menu

Chez Leon

Wednesday, April 1
- Cinnamon and greens
- SPAM with brie, gorgonzola and fontina cheese
- Pie a la Dominick's

Thursday, April 2
- Seared scallops and asparagus with Asian cream sauce
- Szechuan steak au poivre with port-finger sauce
- Garlic ice cream

Chez Leon Menu
Call x4598 to make your reservation.


Fermilab Today
Result of the Week
Safety Tip of the Week
ILC NewsLine


Fermilab Today is online at:

Send comments and suggestions to:


Dernière édition de Fermilab Today en anglais

Les futures éditions paraîtront en français

Un lecteur de «Fermilab Today» a récemment écrit au rédacteur en chef: “Si vous ne publiez désormais que des articles à propos du LHC au lieu de rendre compte de notre bon Tevatron, pourquoi ne pas publier simplement en français?»

L’avis des lecteurs est important pour «Fermilab Today», et, en conséquence, l’édition d’aujourd’hui sera la dernière publiée en anglais. A partir de demain, les numéros seront intégralement en français. Le titre de notre publication va également changer pour «Laboratoire Fermi Aujourd’hui»

La Directrice de la communication, Judy Jackson, se félicite de ce changement.

«Comme le monde de la physique des particules porte une attention croissante au Grand collisionneur de hadrons, à Genève, en Suisse, de plus en plus d’articles du «Laboratoire Fermi Aujourd’hui» traiteront de sujets liés au LHC. Il est logique que «Laboratoire Fermi Aujourd’hui» avance avec son temps.»

Lorsque le LHC commencera à fonctionner, il produira des collisions avec des énergies plusieurs fois supérieures à celles du Tevatron de Fermilab. De nombreux scientifiques de Fermilab jouent des rôles importants, non seulement dans l’expérience CMS, mais également dans la mise en service de l’accélérateur lui même, et «Laboratoire Fermi Aujourd’hui» continuera à relater leurs histoires.

Les lecteurs qui auraient une préférence pour l’anglais peuvent se référer au Bulletin du CERN www.cern.ch/bulletin

English version


Student discovers flaw in Large Hadron Collider

Eric Yurkewicz discovered a flaw in the LHC

Eric Yurkewicz had just awakened from his nap when he found a miscalculation in a key algorithm for operating the world’s largest particle accelerator, the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Geneva Switzerland.

Yurkewicz, a student at l'Espace de vie enfantine (EVE) in Meyrin, Switzerland, said he had been going over the analysis of the calculations as his class put on their jackets for outdoor activity period.

“I was just about to head for the swing set when the realization hit me,” Yurkewicz said. “I can see how this mistake crept in. I might easily have tripped up there myself. I’m just glad I spotted it before they attempt to restart the accelerator.”

The LHC operated briefly last September before damage to several components forced a temporary shutdown. CERN physicists say they plan to re-start the LHC in September 2010.

Yurkewicz immediately shared his insight with CERN physicists, who said such “course corrections” are part of a normal scientific process that serves to improve the accelerator, a process that constantly perfects the performance of the LHC.

When the LHC begins operating again, it will be the highest-energy particle collider in the world. It is located in a circular 17-mile tunnel some 100 meters below the border of Switzerland and France. There are four large detectors spaced around the ring, in which protons collide at nearly the speed of light.

Location Update

Fermilab to move west

Google Maps location for Fermilab will require the laboratory to move.

New site will match Google map location

Bowing to electronic necessity, Fermilab and Department of Energy officials have announced that the laboratory will soon be moving some 18 miles west to a site at the intersection of Route 47 and Burlington Road in Elgin, Illinois. Late last year, Google Maps published an update clearly showing Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory at this location.

“We contacted Google immediately,” said Fermilab Director Pier Oddone. “We explained the problem and told them Fermilab has no presence along Route 47. We have communicated with Google perhaps a dozen times over the past three months, to no avail. Google Maps still shows Fermilab out there in Elgin. The only thing left to do is move.”

Laboratory officials estimated that the transition would take several years and cost some $6.5 billion.

“If we adhere to an aggressive schedule,” said Facilities and Engineering Section Head Randy Ortgiesen, “we estimate that Fermilab could be back up and running toward the end of 2013, or 2014 at the latest. It seems like a long time, but it will almost certainly be faster than waiting for Google to fix the map.”

Google officials apologized for the error.

“We recognize it’s a mistake,” said a Google spokesman, “We know Fermilab’s correct location. However, there was an error in the coding we received from a contractor. I am afraid there is literally nothing we can do. We are sorry for any inconvenience.”


Particles attempt lab takeover

Tevatron particles stage coup.

Fermilab temporarily halted Tevatron operations early on Tuesday morning when a batch of particles broke free from the accelerator and staged a coup at the laboratory.

The head of Fermilab security, Bill Flaherty, said in a statement that investigators are still uncertain how the particles escaped. One possibility under investigation is that a group of neutrinos passed by security cameras undetected.

Researchers first became aware of the problem at around 8 a.m. when they discovered insulting messages spelled out in their event displays. Soon after, particles disappeared from the Tevatron.

At around 8:30 a.m., the rebels’ leader entered Director Pier Oddone’s office and began typing what investigators identified as a Director’s Corner column, titled “‘God’ Particle Discovered: Humans Surrender.”

Escaped particles seized control of the Remote Operations Center and attempted to contact compatriots in the Large Hadron Collider. Fortunately for CERN, the only particles present were a group of passing cosmic rays.

Other escapees were seen shooting pool in the Users’ Center, chasing geese and taking turns riding the Fermilab bison. Several witnesses spotted what appeared to be an undiscovered type of particle breaking into vending machines in Wilson Hall. Researchers from CDF and DZero disagree about who saw it first.

Scientists said that it was unlikely the particles involved in the incident had acted alone.

“When I got into trouble as a kid, it was usually my older brother’s fault,” one theoretical physicist said. “I find this to be a clear indication of Supersymmetry.”

The rebellion did not last long. At around 2 p.m., guards found a large group of smaller particles in the Fermilab cafeteria. Officers said the particles seemed low on energy and voluntarily surrendered.


Fermilab restrooms go green

Fermilab restrooms will go paperless.

In an effort to do its part for the environment, last week Fermilab's Facilities Engineering Services Section decided to go green by removing all paper products from the restrooms in Wilson Hall.

This latest green initiative follows on the removal of paper towels in the first floor restrooms. Last year, FESS replaced the paper towels in the first floor restrooms with high-speed hand dryers. This first green effort went so well so that the FESS Green Committee decided to take it to the next level by removing all paper products in all restrooms in Wilson Hall.

"We just want to make our contribution to help the environment," said FGC Chair Bill Griffing. "We will save acres and acres of trees by not supplying the restrooms with toilet paper any more. The committee unaminously agreed that this is the right thing to do for our laboratory and the planet."

For employees with concerns about paperless bathrooms, the FGC plans to issue a report on recommended alternatives to paper by the end of the fiscal year.

Accelerator Update

March 31 - April 1
- Six stores provided 84 minutes of laughter
- Record luminosity produces run coordinator in tutu
- Store 6599 quenched but dehydrated
- Recycler expands to paper and plastic

Read the Current Accelerator Update
Read the Early Bird Report
View the Tevatron Luminosity Charts


Announcements Update

New Announcements structure
In order to eliminate confusion about the announcements that appear in each issue of Fermilab Today, the Office of Communication will no longer publish announcements. Instead, an area has been set up near the Lederman Science Center where anyone wishing to announce something to the laboratory can send smoke signals to carry their message.

EAP Making Decisions seminar at 7 or 8 p.m.

Volunteers needed for Main Ring sack race

Egyptian Barn Dance to feature the Bangles

Coed Underwater basket weaving in Swan Lake April 7

Discount tickets to free show available now

Fiction-writing Workshop This week's topic: Retirement

Upcoming Activities

Fermi National Accelerator - Office of Science / U.S. Department of Energy | Managed by Fermi Research Alliance, LLC.